猫 Superstar

It’s 1:25 a.m. and I am still on "Patrol." I am to relieve myself of this position by the time the clock strikes 4! My goodness… I’m exhausted… I jump at the slightest sound and I come running to the living room armed with a baseball bat, a flashlight, and a cellphone (Hello 9-1-1!)… Uh, the logic behind the cellphone is that in case those robbing bastards get smart with us by cutting off phone lines or electric wires, I can still call for help.

To keep myself from sleeping, I find help from the internet of course. I came across the MTV Music awards special thingie and saw Paris Hilton (where else could she be? All she does is party–get a life Paris…). Erm, as I was saying, she had an interview spot and she mentioned her album. You’re probably dying by now… Yes, she has an album. Out of curiosity, I d/l one of her songs… The title is "Screwed" and it definitely was screwed. Mediocrity at its finest hour!!! Listen to it if you’re having a bad day… it will make you feel better knowing that some people have it worse… Hehehe…

Good luck to me on this Patrol thing..

Last night, about 6 young, black males were found lurking at our apartment garden–right in front of our living room window… Here’s what happened… It was already 11 p.m. and my grandpa went out to check the gates, etc. and saw these boys right there in the aforementioned location… so he came back in his apartment and told my aunt to call the police because the boys looked "suspicious." At that same time, my dad was already at work (he leaves the apartment at about 8 p.m.) and I’m left in the apartment with my mom, two younger brothers, and my precious 9 month old sister… and we were just sitting at home talking. My grandma called us and she told us about the bastards outside our house–we were freakin clueless of what’s happening outside our house! We turned off all the lights so we can peek at them but lo and behold, even before we could peek, there were already silhouettes in the window curtains!!!

The police came and I personally saw the police pick up from the ground  a shiny silver metal that looked very much like a knife… it was also reported that bags were found in their posession. Something was gonna go down last night and I bet they were headed INSIDE my home–to steal from us and most likely hurt us. Can’t they find a decent living? Do they really have to rob other people’s posessions? Can’t they just leave is alone?AAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

My brother stayed up all night last night as our "patrol." It’s my turn to patrol tonight. So here’s to a sleepless, fearful night courtesy of those slothful, evil bastards…

I would do anything to assure my family’s safety from any harm… Anything… I hate this place…

AAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Where do you see your life going? Do you bear such confidence that you trust things will go your way? Will a person ever be certain? Do people even have the right to plan?

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You smile all the time. You laugh, you cry. You seem normal. No one cares anymore. Do they not feel loneliness too that they miss it even if it’s under their noses-shoved in their faces? You seem certain that everything is well. It is not. Someone is crying and lonely behind closed doors. She talks to no one. She just talks. And talks. and talks. and talks. But she never says anything. Look into her eyes and see for yourself. It is not your fault but she is already broken.

You drown yourself in fantasies. You drown yourself in ever after. It is not a cure but a diversion. Why do you keep dodging? Dodge, dodge, dodge. You’ll be tired someday. Someday.

Inspired by my Mareng Kimmi’s post "Icecandies," I was put into a nostalgic mode from 0 to 80 nostalgia miles in 3 seconds… lol…

Anyhoo…

I was reminded of my childhood friends–Gingging, Kristel, Faith (my beautiful Faith!), Vangie, Ate Joab, Bambi, Macky, and everyone else from Marta Street! Wow, alot of children, alot of memories! I have so many memories like the one when we had a "picnic" at Bambi’s house and my contribution was the mangoes. It was f-u-n. And of course, how can I forget about the "four beauties": Yours truly, Faith, Kristel, and Vangie. Somehow, the four of us got together… Faith was the mature, quite one; Kristel was the loud one; Vangie was the forever mediator (Kristel and I used to fight alot–but we’re still good friends!!); and I was, well, I was the naive, self-centered one. Hehe.. Everytime Kristel and I would fight, the group would split up–Faith would go with me and Vangie would go with Kristel! We would go caroling and talk about stuff…

Faith… she died a couple of years back–I didn’t know she had leukemia. She died in Arizona. Sucks, because she wrote to me when she was in the States and I was still in the Philippines. I never wrote back. I fucked up big time, I know. But I was like 10 years old, so you can’t really blame me, ya? When she left, I prayed to God everyday that I would receive my US Visa so I could see her. I prayed hard. Pray……… I miss her you know. She told me who her crush is and I haven’t told a soul who that lucky guy is… I would take it to the grave my beautiful Faith. See you soon.

—————————–Jologs Pero Masayang Section—————————-

Miss ko na yung taguan tsaka yung mga habulan… si Indri (naalala ko lagi ko syang kasama kapag inuutusan ako ni mama kanila aling Domez), si Odette, si JR Tae (hahaha!), si Aian, si Popong (MY super crush noon!!!), si Joan, si Jordan… lahat! Andaming bata! Jonjit, Kokong… Hahaha!!! Wow… Miss ko na talaga! Naalala ko yung time na palaging brown out, minsan nag-black out tapos lahat ng taga-Marta lumabas ng bahay, halos gabi na nun, lahat ng bata eh nag-Patintero! Yun ang pinaka-mahabang patinterong nakita ko! Imagine, 4 ang patotot at 2 yung pulis! WOOT! WOOT! Saya-saya. Nagti-tinda din ako ng halo-halo nun sa stand ni Tita Baby, ang maganda dun, yung mga customer nagku-kudkod ng yelo… at least gentleman sila. At syempre, mawawala ba yung tindahan ni Aling Panching at Mang Joe, tsaka ni Mang Ban sa usapan? Yahoooo!!!

Ka-miss noh? Haaay… andame pa sana kaso sa Part 2 na lang. Pag-uwi ko ng Pinas syempre dadalawin ko silang lahat. Penge pamasahe!

I just had a major brain fart. So now I am incapable of writing anything sensible. Hahahaha! Like I have before!

I like bananas, they’re the easiest crop to eat… peeling them requires only your hand… yes, no peeler or knife required… they’re not hard, so even the oldest of folks can eat ‘em… they don’t get stuck between your teeth that even I, the victim of the harsh consequences of braces could eat those yummy bananas without worrying about food reserves in between my braces… they go well with everything (peanut butter, ampalaya–mark gave me this idea, tsokolate, etc.). If only there are banana colored ipods…

Yay!

Para sa inyo pong tatlo.

I burned out. I am sorry. I was trying to do alot of things at the same time. I didn’t go anywhere because I didn’t want to start in the bottom. I was looking for the extraordinary. I was looking to be a prodigy. I fell out-again. I am lost. More than anything I AM lost. Pre-occupation with useless things is what monopolizes my time. I need help. Take me back. Pick me up. I need help. I wanted to experience what they did. I wanted to see you. And yet, it all comes with a price and I am too slothful to work and pay for it. Though I am aware that I can never in an eternity do anything to pay you back, I know your heart justifies me.

Help me. Please. Take me back. Take me back. I will. I will. I am going.

Help. ::IAAGS::

Soulmates… I saw the movie Dreamboy [Yes, I love you Piolo!]… whether the movie is good or not is not why I am talking about it… So why the sudden mention of the said movie? Uh, he [Piolo] just said one line in the movie that just hit me –> (translated in english) "All of us are looking for that [soulmate/true love], whether we admit it or not." Arrrr!!!

So my point is? Um, here’s the thing: Most of the people close to me (except Abbey, that woman is in an optimistic high) think that I am bitter. That I am so afraid of love. Well, I’m not. I am probably one of the most hopeFUL (yes, you heard it right, hopeful not hopeless) romantic in this planet. Ever. It’s just that I am CAUTIOUS. There, that explains the so-called bitterness that you people accuse me of! The fact that I was not even in love when I got burned and I was bogged down like this is scary–what more if I was in love?! So Caution has become my love mantra… But come to think of it, I know that no matter how massive the wall I have built to protect myself, it will only be shattered faster than you can say "Caution." Oh well. Obviously, I haven’t found my soul mate-my true love. How bout you? If so, how did you know that person is the one? Let’s here it. That is, if anyone reads this and decides to be a good sport and post some!

This ends my utterly pointless post. Heh.

\\ Night Bird by Kalapana //   Thankie Pumpkin!

So I was listening to this song "Waiting in Vain," and a thought occurred to me–the song talks about a girl waiting for this guy she met… at least she me him and there will be a definite answer or at least a closure in case things don’t work out for them… Well, what about those who are still waiting for someone they haven’t met? What about those people waiting for their soulmates? WHAT IF their destiny dictates that they will never meet that special person in their life… well, that would be waiting in vain too, right? But in a more hurtful way because no one knows their fate… no matter how you plan, wish, or pray for that person to come into your life, IF you are not meant to meet this person, THEN no one will come. You ARE waiting in vain–unknowingly. Too bad because those "waiting" people are the ones who have so much love! So the hell with you cheaters!

The Moral of the Story: Don’t wait? Most often, I hear the advice "Don’t wait! because the more you look and wait, the more he or she won’t come into your life." BUT can anyone really help it? The thought of finding someone that will understand you and love you and give you sweet kisses is just too powerful to set aside, ya? So what to do? Heck, I have no idea.

Updated standards: Just because I haven’t been in a serious relationship for the last 3 years mean that I would settle just for any guy… My standards are simple… One, he MUST be God-fearing. If you don’t like my God, then I don’t want anything to do with you. Two, he must be ambitious. No, not Donald Trump ambitious, but someone who would want to give what’s best for his loved ones but considers money as if it wasn’t important. Three, he must laugh at least 95% of the time. Four, he must be trustworthy. Take care of my trust, baby because you can only get it once. Five, he must love my family. No elaboration necessary. Six, he must be able to at least carry a conversation with me. Talk to me!!! That’s pretty much it. Money, Good looks, Fame or Power can’t buy you love… My heart in exchange for yours… Sigh…

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I have my Microbio Lab Finals tomorrow, it’s 1:00 a.m., and I haven’t studied. I need more pressure or this procrastination won’t shake off. Pressure man! Pressure!

I want a tablet PC!!! Heck, Im gonna get a job so I can that TABLET PC!!!

I envy those people who already know what they want to in life. It sucks when you don’t. And you’re 20. I feel that I am already almost at the halfway of my life and I haven’t done anything worth saying "I have done something." It kills me whenever the idea of having to be separated from my family if I am to discover what I want… I thought that the phrase "I need to find myself" is "bullshit" rephrased, now I know that it’s actually a real thing. A feeling of self-pity, confusion, restlessness, doubts , and questions.

I am so lost–and yes, I have fallen away from the church again. I am struggling. Of course no one can help me–which is actually good as I don’t want a barrage of people trying to help me "get through"… especially those, well, I better not say it. Hmm. That would be all.