猫 Superstar

So what’s up? Well, I have a couple of new things going on and I am excited to share them with you…

1. I am officially adopting a new signature expression (yes, I am throwing "Cool" away!) and my new one is… dan-da-da-dan…. "Astig!" Woohoo! Well, I dunno, I think it’s about time I get back to my roots, ya know?

2. I am butt-crazy with Maria Taylor and similar artists (Artist names not mentioned for fear of copycats claiming the same thing! Darn you copycats!!!)… Cool, cool music. I have always found rock and rap music distasteful… no offense to you rock and rap loving people… I mean, you gotta hate Maria Taylor, right?

3. I am applying to a bunch of out-of-state, private universities. I had a million colleges listed but I finally narrowed them down to 7: I’m eying 3 in California, 3 in Washington, and one in Ohio. So far, I am praying to get in that university in Ohio or the one in California… I am planning to live on-campus (where else can I stay?) and well, by now you must have stopped breathing because I bet you whipped out your calculators the moment you read "Private university." No worries, because I am getting a loan, plus, I should be getting at least $12,000 per year from the government so that would cut my debt in half, ya?

**Sorry if I am not mentioning any names of the schools, it’s just that I’d rather announce them AFTER I get in at least one of them, you know? Pray for me, please!

I am excited about living in the dorms.. well, I haven’t really told my parents but I am sure they’ll understand. I’m 20 already and I haven’t done anything with my life except get fat and watch soaps… Plus, they have to give me a chance!!! They just have to–out of love!!!

There;s alot of possibilities in this world you know? I think that I have learned what "To whom much is given, much is expected" means… Not that I haven’t understood it literally but this is different… My heart knows it too! I think that I should make use of what I have and take advantage of the opportunities presented before me… after all, I am so fortunate to have them, not alot of people can say that, and I must take the challenge that comes with my privileges, ya?

Excerpt from Ever After: You are born to privilege and with that comes specific responsibilities (or obligations? whichever).

Make the most out of your life!

Much love from me… Pray, pray, pray and God will tell you where to go… he may not give you a map or a compass but he will give you His sight, wisdom, and love…

I am currently having the best time ever since, well, for a long time… I am looking at good Catholic universities in the West, strategizing how I will get in their Theology and Philosophy program, and listening to my all time favorite group — The Spice Girls! Ahahaha! Unlike my hypocritical contemporaries, I have the guts to admit my love for The Spice Girls. I love them. I was about 12 or 13 years old when I first heard them, and yes, they made up most of the music of my youth! Haaar!!! I love them… I remembered not having enough moolah to buy their cassette tape so I borrowed my friend Scott’s tape and did not return it for about a year… LOL… I remember all their songs and I know the lyrics by heart in their Spice World album… so you can say that when bitchy Geri left the group, I was beyond heartbroken. But, let bygones be bygones… I heard that they are planning a comeback and the only glitch, I heard, is Mel B. refusing to join in. Ah, the new bitch. Anyhoo, I need to wrap this up because it’s 1:55 a.m. already and I haven’t washed the dishes and baby bottles! But I don’t mind… I have the Spice Girls playing–I’ll be dancing and singing and washing dishes all at the same time. Turns out this night will get better!

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Don’t forget to have fun people! I know that there will always be those problems and glitches that stresses us out… the best thing you can do is indulge yourself that will make you to at least smile! It doesn’t have to be a biggie you know… Eat isaw, dance naked (in your room please, unless you have no shame), sing in the shower, listen to your favorite group, no matter how corny it may seem to other people–like the Spice Girls! Love, hug, kiss! This is the only life you have, unless you are quite certain you’ll go to heaven! Have fun as long as no one gets hurt! Spread love and smiles!

Much love from me–Katherine =)

***Never give up on the good times gotta believe in the love you find!  Never give up on the good times, livin’ it up is a state of mind! Never give it up no! Never give it up no! — Never Give Up, The Spice Girls***

Ang gusto ko sa buhay eh yung tahimik, yung simple, yung tama lang. Ang gusto ko eh hinde yung nakasanayan, yung hinde kahanga-hanga (at least sa standards ng mundong ‘to)… Alam kong maganda at maayos naman yung gusto ko, pero bakit sobrang iniisip ko kung ano sasabihin niyo? Bakit inaaalala ko yung opinyon nyo sa kin? Bakit nakakaramdam ako ng hiya iniisip ko pa lang yung reaksyon niyo? Matatawa ba kayo? Manghihinayang? Iisipin na wala na ko sa tamang pag-iisip? Kung tutuusin, ang gusto ko eh isa sa mga pinaka-marangal na pamumuhay na pwedeng piliin ng tao, pero bakit ganun? Sobrang attached na ba ko sa inyo? Sino ba kayo para sobra kong pahalagahan yung opinyon nyo? Sa huli ba eh may magagawa ang opinyon at iniisip niyo para sa kin? wala naman eh. Alam ko yun.

Gusto ko ng simulan ang bago kong buhay. Tama na yung buhay na puro walang halaga ang ginagawa. Puro paganda, payaman, pasikatan, at payabangan. Mahirap pahalagahan ang mga bagay na wala naman talagang halaga, wala namang itatagal. Pagtawanan niyo na ko hanggang gusto niyo… kaligayahan ko ang hinahanap ko at hinde sa inyo. Isipin niyo na gusto niyong isipin. Alam kong hinde lahat kayo ay ganoon kababaw… alam kong may ilan pa rin nakaka-intindi. Salamat sa inyo.

Sa paniniwalang siya lang mahalaga, iiwanan lahat. In God’s time, everything will fall into place.

My goodness… I have been Internet crazy for almost 5 years now (I know, it’s longer for a handful of you)… The Internet is cool and all–you get to check your "instant mail" (a.k.a. email), pictures, gossips, virtually anything–i mean, almost everything I own is ordered from the Internet, including this lovely laptop to my SBC Internet connection… Anyhoo, my point is, I am sort of getting tired of the Internet. There isn’t much to do in the net anymore (at least the interesting stuff)… Plus, the old wanderlust is inevitably waning. Take for example, Friendster’s recent revamp… I was excited for a day and I kept changing my video from The Shins to Beck until I finally settled for Mr. Big. Easy! And then my interest went somewhere else again. I’ve tried doing the whole CSS thing but it proved to be more time consuming than it’s worth–maybe I’ll give my profile page a makeover later… Ugh.

There’s this Australian (or Canadian?) twin act called "Tegan and Sarah." They have pretty cool music. It’s punky pop… a slight diversion from the good ‘ol bubblegum… Check them out.

I went to the Children’s Hospital earlier to get my TB test results. I got a positive so that meant I needed a Chest X-ray. I was sent to the Radiology dept. right away.  The technician asked me if I was wearing a bra. Of course I was wearing a bra. He asked me to take it off for the x-ray and just stood there like a moron as if waiting for a free flash or something. I asked him "Now? Here?" And off he went out. Geez. Do I look stupid or do I have the x-factor to make it mainstream pornography? Geez. Geez.

I have loads of shit to tell but I think it would be better to keep my mouth shut. And my whole point is, you won’t be seeing much of me online anymore. I have found some other things that are far more important… for example, my sister, my Biology class, and my sleep.

So that’s it. See you when I see you. Ciao baby.

Everyday, I feel more like a little girl getting younger instead of the other way around. Every time I try to think of the future, the more I am afraid. They say "face your fears," well, what if I already faced them and chickened out? What if you’re so afraid to fail–no, not yourself but the people who have high hopes for you? Where do you go? What do you do? How do you start again?

I want to be a little girl again. Times when I do not worry about anything… When all I do is wake up, eat, play, ask questions, sleep, and then actually look forward to tomorrow…

Oftentimes I ask myself why didn’t I drown in the beach that day? I mean, I was already sinking, complete with a younger cousin pulling me down under, so why didn’t I die? Why? I mean, that was my an age when I was still young and innocent–I had a better chance in going to heaven–and look at me now. A big mess.

I think and I think and I think and I am just driving myself to insanity. Most of the time, people confuse confusion to lack of ambition or self-centeredness. What is all you want is a good life for your loved ones but what your heart points to will not make that dream a reality. What if, the life I want for myself is not what my family wants me to live. I hate thinking. Fuck this shit.

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I wonder, what if we are really the retards. I mean, look at the so-called special people or the retards, they just sit there, innocent and all. But what if they are the real normal ones? What if we are the unfortunate needy ones? What if they can see God and angels and we, thinking that we are "lucky to be normal" are in the height of foolishness and illusions? What do you do when one second you are walking down the street and the next thing you know you are down in hell? What if you make a mistake–even when you had good intentions–and end up hurting many people in the process? What the fuck am I here for? Was I really meant to live or did God, as a joke, sent a malfunctioning human with a brain the size of a flea here in the beautiful planet Urth? huh?

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I wish I am normal. I got my Roadid today, do you know what’s written on it?

"I am Catholic, Please call a priest."

Haha… a last, desperate attempt to qualify for a round in purgatory. Of course, I will not miss a farewell note down the bottom:

"I love my family."

To make it worse, I know for a fact that someone has it way worse in this world (think Sudan) and here I am sitting in a comfortable chair, a warm house, complaining how terrible my life is. So where do I go from here?

I don’t know.

Yesterday was waaay tiring… I had a major "3 day sleep deprivation" marathon, so to say that I am lacking coordination and strength would be an understatement. I went to school with only 3 hours of sleep (or nap) and had a f.a.g. ruin my already ruined day… I took care of my baby sister when I got home and I sensed that she knew I was tired–so, she rose to the occasion and went into a fussy fit. Aaaahhh… I love that kid…

Come 5:00 p.m. and I had to leave for the Volunteer Orientation in the Children’s Hospital at Sunset… Beautiful place… I got a little nervous because I was once again treading to unexplored territory armed with an iPod (mini), cellphone, and Metro Day Pass… The orientation was quite cool, met some new people (I see white people!). I was quite surprised because I was expecting about 10-15 people turning up but I was 10 times wrong because no less than 100 showed up. White people making up 80% of that crowd. It was sort of alienating but they were nice.

That was pretty much the highlight if my day… until my aunt and uncle picked me up and we got some boba! Oya!!! And some chicken nuggets and apple pies along the way. There so much opportunities out there and I’d be a complete fool of I don’t take them They’re more than just pushing the envelopes–they’re shoving it. I say, no need, I’m taking it.

They say if you die, your whole life will flashback in your eyes, well, I don’t want my flashback to be a long, boring one. I rather it be short but full of meaningful things. When I was walking home from school today, I was contemplating Death. Well, it got me praying that I wish I would be the first one to die in my family. The thought that any of them would be gone is surreal and unbearable. So yeah, Selfishness at it’s peak… Scary life…

*Hey mister, I already sent your book in the mail today.. Cost me $10 you bastard.

So, uh, how was your day?

Minsan may mga nakasama kang tao na hindeng hinde mo malilimutan… Sa kaso ko, mga kebigan ko nung high school… masaya nun… tsaka sila naman lagi naku-kwento ko sa mga tao dito sa ‘Merika…

1. Rodeliza Flores — buddy ko to. Makulit, bungangera… hehehe.

2. Erick Yuse — si Baron… makakalimutan ko ba to? ever? Bestpren ko to. Makulit din, lakas tama, at may Nirvana t-shirt (Smells like teen spirit?).

3. Tina Santiago — Spot the papa! SMB, at Bikini Open. Hahaha!

4. Francis Ambito — si lasslass… hehehe… napaka-gentleman, talented, isa sa mga sobrang ka-close ko na tao. Hinde nya ko natiis nung aalis na ko… miss na kita.

5. Myla Vergara — Taquitos, Kulits.

6. Jenny Bayrante — Hay naku Jheng, I love you!

7. Recheil Pilar — Kababata ko, suki na sa utot ko yan. Spoiled ako dito, pero hinde pa kami nag-uusap. Haaay…

8. Ajjie Mendelebar — Remember, Mendelevium?! Hahaha! Tsaka yung mga days na andyan lang ako sa bahay nyo at kumakanta tayo with the Spice Girls!

9. Abbey dela Calzada — my first and only ex-GF… bespren ko sa ‘Merika.

10. Mark David — Ex ko.

11. FJ Ona, Bonn, Chris Sambo – Hay, kahit hinde ko kayo naka-sama ng matagal, lam ko lab nyo ko, pwera ka FJ, hinde mo binigay sa kin yung dragon ring. Hahaha! Joke!

12. Maurice Victoriano, Dudams Altarejos, Grapes Rosas, Fernan Jasmin– C.A.T. family… Happy days… Did I mention that I spent the best summer of my life with them?

13. Aristotle Arce — yung nagpa-realize sa kin na backstabber ako. Honest sa kin to, kaya labs ko sya!

14. Bonsai Reyes (Sed!), Hezil Martinez, Diana de Vera — and tatlong taong walang awang nagpa-kilig sa kin kahit ako’y ihing-ihi na. UN Member

15. Ed Mangio — Amboy. Tinukso ako kay PJ for 2 hours (double period ni Maquimay). Hari ng Chicago. Baet yan… 99 rid baluns… UN Member

16. Kuya Carlo del Espiritu Santo, Joel Cumpio — the rest of the UN Organization Family sa likod ng classroom. Miss ko na kayo sobra! Joel, bangag ka pa rin ba? hehehe!

17. Don Ng — ngayon ko lang naging close. Siya yung "stimulant" ng utak ko. Ingat pumpkin! Hahaha!

18. I-Daniel, 2-Aguinaldo, 3-Lorenzo, and 4-John Family — Salamat sa Lord at kayo naging mga classmates ko…

*Sa iba kong repapips na hinde ko nabanggit, wag kayo tampo ah! Lam nyo naman na labs ko din kayo… sure, like it matters… pero, basta… lam nyo naman na forever ko na kayo maaalala lahat! Kita-kita na lang ha. Good luck sa inyong lahat lalo ng graduate na kayo! Hehehe…*

High school was the best years of my life. Dun ko nakilala yung mga kebigan ko na maalala at magiging kebigan ko hanggang sa pag-tanda ko. Kilala nila ko, kilala ko sila… pamilya na nga eh… Ingat mga kebigan.

There’s this episode from Daria where she said "Cool" and Trent called her an "Icebox Woman." Since I say cool for every freakin sentence that comes out of my mouth, I am officially an Icebox Woman. Hehe.

There’s school again tomorrow and I don’t feel like going. The only thing that will keep me from missing class tomorrow is my new voice recorder that I want to show off! Hahaha! Plus, we have homework to hand in–which remonds me that I have to do it…

I desperately need to go to confession. I am in such a bad shape right now…

I have a new life plan enfolding and I am quite excited… of course, for the first time in my life, I will keep it secret… at least for a little bit more–just so I can add "mysterious" in my resume.

Current Obsessions:

1. Beck

2. Elliott Smith

3. Junior Mints

4. Buko juice

5. Piolo Pascual… I had dream about him last night out of nowhere. We were like in a group placed in a room. We were not supposed to leave but I think I did break the rule, and he did too, but we didn’t get caught. His last words to me were like "it’s okay. you’re worth it." or something… of course when we were about to kiss my mom had to wake me up… actually, our lips sort of met… Heck, why does God make men as beautiful as him? Aaaahhhhh….

6. Debunking the Da Vinci Code… Ah, Dan Brown… a massive jerk with an eye for business. Don’t change and I know where you’re going in the after life bozo…

7. Kite Runner - good book

8. Fishing - didn’t I tell you we went fishing 2 days ago? We didn’t catch anything because we didn’t have live bait, but those two cool boys across us kept catching these, well, in Tagalog, pagi. Cool, cool creatures.

9. Starting an online business with my brother.

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So what does "Indio" stand for? Well, You know how white people call the blacks "Nigger"? Well, that’s pretty much how those fucking Spaniards call us… They invade us, rape our women, make us slaves, attempt to erase our rich culture, steal our gold, sell us to the Japanese or Americans or whoever they are, and they have the nerve to call us those! I feel for you African American people! But please stop those kids of yours from trying to break in our house…

–>Speedy Garcia, the observant, thoughtful bitch<–

Whoever had braces would know what I’m and will be going through. I just had elastics yesterday from my Ortho and it’s killing me. These bands are pulling on each other so I cannot open my mouth properly, my teeth are sore, and I talk funny. Aaahhh…

So, what’s new? Ano ang bago? As for me… I’ve been having some sleeping fit everytime I’m in my Bio 20 class. Everytime. I sit up in the front thinking that I will avoid dozing off if I am near the Professor… I couldn’t be more wrong! I would be writing notes but the next thing I know, I just got nudged out of my "sleep writing." It’s embarrassing. My mom said that candy works, so I will be loading up on some when I get in class on Monday…

I am planning to work again just to have extra spending money and pay my bills. My job hunting officially starts on Monday so cross your fingers for me… Better yet, pray for me! Hehe!

I thought I would have alot of thoughts to pour in this post, well, I guess not. Oh, shout out to my very good friend Francis Mark Ambito –KIKOY– kasi naalala ko sya dahil yung pencil holder ko eh si Zashikibuta na bigay nya… miss na kita sobra! Miss ko na lahat ng kebigan ko sa PINAS! Mahal ko kayo (katherine wave).

Byebye.

There have been two things that I have noticed from some people and I cannot help but voice it out (or else I’ll get some sort of heebie jeebies)… Well, I have noticed that some people are trying too hard to be cool. Yes, cool. They follow trends, they say "in" expressions… I mean, they feel that they set the trend when in reality they are slaves of it! Why are people so afraid to be different? I’ve been there. I was the insecure little girl who wanted to be popular and liked. Those days are gone, baby! Well, I cannot deny that there will always be times when I need an ego boost so of course, I, too will follow the "trend" but hear me — everything is well in moderation! It is fine to follow trends and be cool, but to have your world revolve in a thing so shallow will lead to nothing! I found that being comfortable with yourself, not being afraid to show how you feel, and choosing what you really want is far more important and pleasing than conformity.

There is another kind of people who is trying too hard to fit in. Ugh. They’re actually the ones I call "ghetto." Yes, yes, I know what ghetto really means, but I think that these kind of people are worse than the so-called ghettos. One example is a select breed of a fob flip in America (I was one, and still am). Their efforts to prove that they are "Americanized" and cool and "fitting in" is hilarious, embarrassing, and disgusting. People who are ashamed of their own origin, of their race–does not deserve anything better but such mockery! They try so hard to conceal who they really are and end up pleasing very few people, some mockingly amused, and themselves leading unsatisfied, fake, unhappy lives.

I’m not a saint. Heck, you can’t even call me a good girl. But you can call me an observant, pessimistic, fault finding little bitch. Hey, a quirk is a quirk. Now you know mine.